Why am i still single? 12 possible reasons (+ how you can change that)

Is your relationship status SINGLE? Has it been like this for too long? Well, my dear, welcome to the club …

Be completely honest… Do you sometimes ask yourself things like “What’s wrong with me? Why am i single Why can’t I find love Why the hell why Why am I STILL single? “

I know you do and do not need to be ashamed of yourself because it is perfectly normal to think that way in your situation.

I also know that you want to hear from me that everything is absolutely fine with you and that great love is waiting for you somewhere around the next corner. But I’m not here to give you comfort.

Let’s leave the nonsense and let’s get down to business. Hey, please don’t get me wrong. I am not saying that there is really something wrong with you or that you are in any way disturbed.

Of course you are all right, but obviously something is holding you back. Therefore I would like to help you to recognize what is preventing you from finding the great love.

Why am i still single? The 12 most common reasons

Although most people will certainly disagree, being single is not always a walk in the park.

Granted, sometimes it feels great to do whatever you want without having to pay attention to whether or not you are hurting your partner.

The fact is, however, that it hurts terribly when you go through a difficult time in your life and you have no one to share your grief with.

I can say from my own experience that it sometimes hurts terribly to come home after a hard day at work and not have anyone to talk to about it. Sometimes it breaks your heart not to have someone to text goodnight to.

So let’s not waste any more time figuring out why you’re still single and what’s blocking the way into your heart.

1. You suffer from philophobia …

You’re probably wondering what philophobia is all about, aren’t you? Well, it’s not really a disease, but a phobia or fear of love.

Philophobia mainly occurs when you have been injured by multiple partners in the past and are afraid that this could happen again. You know what you had to go through because of it and you don’t want to do it again.

You’re not exactly happy to be single, but you think that’s for best. You don’t want to enter into a relationship because you are afraid that you will fall immortally in love with your partner and thus give him too much power over yourself and his life.

If you are afraid of falling in love, then you are definitely suffering from philophobia.

2. Or maybe even under agliophobia ?!

This anxiety disorder is very similar to philophobia. However, this is a fear of both emotional and physical pain.

As I said, you’re afraid of getting hurt. Those who suffer from this type of anxiety disorder don’t want to risk anything and don’t even give others a chance.

One simply believes that one would not be able to cope with another lovesickness and deal with it. So being single seems to be the only way to protect yourself from it and to save yourself.

3. What about fear of attachment?

There’s not much to explain here. If you have attachment anxiety, the answer to your question as to why you are still single is practically obvious.

You just don’t want to commit yourself. You’re used to one-night stands and your acquaintances likely never go beyond the first date.

Before we close this phobia chapter, I just want to say one more thing: the only phobia you are allowed to have is monophobia – the fear of being alone.

Believe me, nothing is worse than that. You can live with anything and find a way to cope with it, but this phobia breaks your heart bit by bit every day.

4. Your fear of eventualities prevents you from doing anything

No more “what if” thoughts. What has to happen and what God intended for you will happen and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

So there’s no point in worrying about it, is there?

You have to take one or the other risk in life. In any case, it is better to take a risk and get hurt than to live your life in perpetual fear of the unknown.

5. Fear is also the biggest brake on intimacy

I know this is why I’m still single and I really want to change. It’s just incredibly difficult for me to let other people get to me. I’m terrified of this closeness.

I avoid them as best I can, and sooner or later I piss off my potential partner.

Most relationship professionals agree that fear of intimacy is the biggest barrier to building a healthy relationship.

Besides, we all know the important role intimacy plays in developing and strengthening the relationship between us and our partner.

6. Your low self-esteem is holding you back

If you have low self-esteem, you already know what is getting in the way of your happiness. This not only applies to your love life, but also to many other areas of your life.

Most likely, that’s one of the main reasons you’re still single. So focus on building your self-esteem and self-esteem, and you will have a significantly better chance of finding your soulmate.

If you have low self-esteem, you will never be able to take the first step towards happiness. You will never be able to enjoy life to the fullest and you will constantly doubt yourself.

Remember, what is holding you back is not who you are, but everything that you supposedly are not and never will be.

7. Mental problems are also a major obstacle

If you have depression or anxiety, it may be the reason you cannot develop a healthy relationship with another person.

No matter how big these problems are, never let them be bigger and stronger than yourself.

8. One cannot be TOO independent for a relationship

It’s perfectly fine to be independent and want to maintain independence in a relationship as well. It’s actually good for the relationship.

However, you shouldn’t think that given your independence, you no longer need anyone. Because you do like everyone else.

You don’t need someone stronger or braver than you because you are strong and brave enough already. But it would be nice if you had someone to give you a hand when life throws you to the ground.

9. You have to get rid of your emotional baggage

One thing is certain: … Only when you have got rid of the emotional baggage of your previous relationships will you be able to start a new chapter.

Stop living in the past. Focus on the here and now. What matters is your present and your future. You have to leave everything else behind once and for all.

You should always be a little careful, of course, but there is no point in worrying about things that you have no control over or that you simply cannot change.

10. You are very defensive because of your painful past

It is not easy to find true love. It takes a little longer and in the course of the search you have to reckon with pain and grief.

Even so, you must not allow yourself to develop a distorted view of true love because of it. Do not be tempted to develop some kind of protective mechanism to “protect” your heart in the future. Because unfortunately that is impossible.

Be an open book that anyone can read. Open your heart to love and be loved. Don’t be afraid to let new people around you.

Sure, there is always a risk that they will hurt you, but they could also love you unconditionally and enrich your life in every way.

11. You’re too picky

You are now probably asking yourself: “I beg your pardon? What the hell is that supposed to mean now? ”. If you’ve been told multiple times that you are too picky, then this is it. It means you are asking too much.

It means that you have expectations of your potential partner that are too high and perhaps even unrealistic, which of course he cannot meet, and that if he does not meet them or does something that you disagree with, it is immediately game over for him.

It’s perfectly fine to have certain selection criteria when choosing a partner, but that doesn’t mean that one should strive for perfection. Because there is no such thing as a perfect person.

If that’s the case, if you’re too picky, then it really is time for you to face reality.

Don’t lower your expectations, don’t settle for less than you deserve, but don’t be too picky either, or you have little chance of finding the right one.

12. Or maybe you are a narcissist? 😲

Oh no please do not! Narcissists are one of the worst types of people in my opinion.

It is perfectly understandable that they cannot develop and maintain proper relationships with other people because they are only thinking about themselves all the time.

Narcissists are completely self-sufficient. They don’t need anyone because they think they’re something much better.

They only enter into a love relationship with someone if they can benefit from it. That is, only if they can take advantage of their partner.

How do I put an end to being single? 8 effective tips

So that’s clear, I’m not going to teach you how to become a professional at flirting and seducing.

I am here to help you drop your walls and open your heart. I’m here to help you find your soulmate faster.

I don’t want to talk to you any more. So let’s get back to the topic.

1. Get out there and just have some fun

Don’t worry too much about love. Just dress up, get out there, have fun and meet new people. Who knows, maybe your soul mate is hiding among them too.

It is also important that you spend time with your family and meet up with your friends on a regular basis. The people who are close to you strengthen your self-esteem, which is very important if you want to end your single existence.

Just swim around in the dating pool for a while and let love find you …

2. Get rid of unrealistic expectations

You probably know how typical group therapies begin. Everyone has to introduce themselves and admit their addiction. Let’s just imagine that we are in such a meeting and first have to introduce ourselves.

Hello I am a single woman unable to establish and maintain a healthy relationship with a man due to her extremely unrealistic expectations.

There are certainly still many of you who could introduce yourself using the same words. So it’s no wonder that we’ve been disappointed by men so often. The fact is that unrealistic expectations inevitably lead to disappointment.

Please don’t get me wrong – you should have certain expectations and ideas. The point, however, is that you have to learn to keep your expectations of a partnership within bounds … You have to learn to accept more and expect less …

3. Find someone who can help you get rid of your emotional baggage

Okay, so you’ve been hurt in the past by someone you loved very much. You have been betrayed by someone who promised you his eternal loyalty.

The very person you loved most stabbed you in the back … I know nothing feels worse than that.

Now is the time to leave it all behind and start a whole new chapter in your life.

Because the fact is that your love life suffers from the emotional baggage of your previous relationships.

Only when you have left your past behind will you be ready to welcome someone new into your life.

4. Vulnerability is not a weakness !!!

That goes for all singles out there. It is absolutely wrong and extremely unhealthy to eat it all up just because you are afraid of opening up to others and showing vulnerability.

Don’t think that this will scare people away. You probably won’t believe it, but the opposite is true.

Only then will they really want to be there for you and fight for you even more. They will fall in love with every one of your weaknesses.

You have to show others your weaknesses, celebrate your quirks and accept your vulnerability … Because that, my dear single heart, is the recipe for a happy relationship.

5. Do not run away from conflict

Almost any relationship expert will tell you that in a relationship you should have an argument every now and then, because conflicts that are mastered together only make a couple stronger.

I always say: where there is true love, there is also disagreement and conflict.

So when it comes to the first row between you and your potential partner, don’t give up and run away straight away.

This is not a healthy solution to situations like this, and it will greatly reduce your chances of finding the right person.

6. Try online dating …

In the age of social media, it has become completely normal to fall in love online. There are many people who are in committed relationships with people they have never met in person.

To be honest, there are both good and bad sides to online dating. For example, you can learn everything about a person before you even have a serious relationship with them, but you can also fall madly in love with them before they’re even with them.

Be that as it may, I can only say one thing about this: it’s worth a try. Download a dating app, create a nice profile and check out your potential matches. Who knows, maybe your soulmate is waiting for you on one of these dating sites.

7. … or with a professional dating agency

You have probably heard of a professional dating agency and you know roughly how it works.

You hire a matchmaker who then asks you a few basic questions about yourself and your life in general in an interview, and that is your job.

Then the agency will start looking for a suitable partner for you in its database based on the information you have given.

So you have to be completely honest during the interview so that your potential partner can be found as quickly as possible.

Of course, you must also be aware that professional dating is a complex process that costs time and effort. The good thing is that it definitely gives you a better chance of finding your soulmate.

8. The truth about compatibility

You are probably looking for someone with whom the chemistry is just right and with whom you are a perfect match, but unfortunately many people have a completely wrong idea of ​​compatibility in romantic relationships.

It is true that one should have some common interests and core values. Most people forget, however, that our real strength lies in differences, not in similarities.

In order to develop a really solid emotional relationship and to build a happy relationship, both partners need to respect and accept their differences.

Don’t let these differences pull you apart. On the contrary, let them bring you even closer together.


I hope this article has provided you with an answer to the question of why you are still single.

No matter what the reason, you don’t need to worry. Just follow the tips above and let them guide you to your soulmate.

Always remember, there is no point in being with someone just to finally be able to say that you are in a relationship and change your relationship status on social media.

No. Find someone who will change him deep in your heart. Find someone you can develop a healthy relationship with and who you can fall madly in love with.

In the end, LOVE is the only thing that really matters.

There is no real happiness without love. Without love there is no devotion. Without love there is no loyalty. Without love … there is nothing real, nothing true … there is absolutely nothing.