The words of my best friend still ring in my ears: If he pulls away, just let him go. Don’t run after him or make it easy for him.
After everything that has happened, I can only say one thing: she was so right.
I bet every single woman in the world knows this annoying, typically male behavior pattern:
– He treats you like his top priority
– Shower you with affection and extraordinary tokens of love
– Makes you feel like the greatest woman in the whole world
– AND THEN SUDDENLY WITHDRAWS
Most men are true masters of transformation: first he is THE (potentially) RIGHT ONE, then he dissolves into thin air.
It takes a lot of skill to win a woman’s heart and then just run away like you’ve never been with her.
Why is that? Why do men prefer to withdraw rather than enter into a committed relationship? What should you do when something like this happens?
I’ve been asked a lot of complicated questions, but these are definitely in the top 10. Don’t worry, my dear.
Today you will learn why men withdraw and what you can do about it, that is, how you can win him back (if you want to at all).
What does it mean when a man withdraws?
One of the main reasons men withdraw in the early stages of a relationship is fear of loss of freedom and limitations. In other words, they withdraw when they feel like they are being suffocated.
Why do men withdraw once they get close to a woman?
This phenomenon occurs again and again and represents a kind of epidemic of men who, in the initial stages of the relationship, withdraw as soon as the first real feelings arise and things get more serious.
Men withdraw when they feel like you want to control them
I would like to give an example of this. Let’s say he’s not trying as hard as he used to, and his romantic gestures are either nothing special or even completely non-existent.
You get it all and it bothers you. You wait for him to change, but nothing happens. So you decide to take matters into your own hands and somehow get him to try harder.
You are asking him to spend more time with you and shower you with love and affection like he used to. As soon as you start doing this, he gets the feeling that you want to control him and pulls back.
He or she becomes afraid of entering into a relationship with a control addict partner and may therefore distance himself from them.
Men withdraw when they feel like they have to choose between themselves and their partner
The thing is, men are extremely sensitive when it comes to their agency. When a man feels he has to choose between himself and his partner, he panics.
He ‘ll think something like this: OMG, I’m in a serious relationship. Obviously, I can’t choose who to hang out with anymore because my partner insists we go to that one love movie (or do something else she wants).
Let’s say he wants to watch soccer with his buddies, but you won’t let him because you want him all to yourself.
If you don’t give a man a choice, he’ll feel overwhelmed by you and pull back.
It’s true that a committed relationship requires hard work and dedication, but that doesn’t mean the partners should spend all of their free time together.
Compromise is the best solution. If you manage to find a compromise with him, he will have enough time and space for himself and never again it will occur to him to distance himself from you, because such a relationship will not be a burden for him.
Men pull away when you get on their nerves
One of the main reasons men pull out is when you keep blaming them for failing to do something specific or for failing to meet your expectations.
It looks something like this:
You: Why didn’t you wash the dishes?
You: I’ve asked you a million times already.
You: Why do I always have to think about everything?
He: It’s okay, I’ll do it now.
You: Do you really have to go out with your friends every Friday?
You: Why don’t you want to do anything with me? Am I too boring for you or do you no longer like me?
He: I never said that you were boring or that I didn’t like you anymore. By the way, Friday is the only day of the week that I meet them.
By constantly nagging, you signal to him that he is not doing anything right. Then when he pulls away, all he wants is to let you know that you shouldn’t expect too much from him.
Men love the feeling when they can make their partner happy.
If you keep complaining instead of finding a peaceful solution to your problems, sooner or later he will feel overwhelmed and end the relationship.
The more you push him, the more he pulls back
I know this only too well. Back then, when my ex distanced himself from me, I freaked out and thought it was only logical to push him. Unfortunately, I didn’t know that the more I pushed him, the more he distanced himself from me.
I just pushed him out of fear of losing him. When a man stops trying and suddenly starts acting weird, all you can do is worry about it all the time.
It is precisely these thoughts that give you stupid ideas, such as B. Chasing after him in the hope that he’ll change and understand that he made a mistake.
I’ll tell you one thing, if you have to push him all the time, then you are clearly in an unhealthy relationship.
Those who push are desperate and afraid. Before you know it, you’re already coming up with the perfect plan to make him atone for having thought of ignoring you or distancing himself from you in the first place.
Unfortunately, you can’t always lie to yourself. Sooner or later you will realize that you have no control over the situation at all. So just let him go when he pulls away.
If you text him desperate, you’ll push him away even more. Remember one thing: the more you push him to conform to your ideas, the more he will withdraw.
What to do when a man withdraws
When a man pulls out, you need to cut off contact with him and give him some space.
By letting go of him, you regain your power and show him what a desirable woman you are. This will rekindle his interest in you.
Until he finally gets in touch with you, you are not allowed to run after him, text or call him around the clock. Otherwise you will only scare him off even more.
It’s time to take your power back.
Many women forget that the point is not always to sit in the thick of the lever or to get men to blindly obey every command. That’s how I used to think, but now I know the truth.
If you want to regain your power, you have to realize that you have no control over his actions and actions, only over your own.
No more thoughts like: He used to be such a good man and I know he still is, but I have to somehow help him show me that. I have to change him or I’ll lose him forever.
NO! You can’t change a man if he doesn’t want to change.
You can’t make him dance to your tune.
You can’t lose him either if he’s never been yours.
In order to regain your power, you have to realize that he is solely responsible for his actions and that it is not your job to “make him the man he should be”.
You can’t force him to text you goodnight or good morning every day. You can’t force him to be more romantic if that’s just your wish, not his.
If a man is not ready to treat you the way you deserve, then there is no point criticizing him and forcing him to change if he is neither ready nor willing to do it himself.
Don’t make it easy for him
The worst thing you can do in this case is run after him or beg him to come back to you. Instead, let him run after you and fight for you.
Maybe none of this is happening to you for the first time. If you’ve seen this multiple times, it’s a clear warning sign that you need to do the right thing this time (any relationship expert and dating coach would confirm that).
Men of high level enjoy the challenge presented by women of high level.
Think of it this way: If a man distances himself from you and you then run after him immediately, you will not be a desirable woman in his eyes, but just look desperate and maybe even needy.
He will know how much you long for him and how much you need him in your life, even though he has distanced himself from you and is giving you nothing but nightmares at the moment.
If he sees that he can withdraw at any time and you run after him every time he keeps his distance, he will lose all respect for you.
Don’t make it easy for him. Instead of chasing after him, just wait for him to come back to you on his own.
Show him that you are a challenge and that if he wants to be with you, he’ll have to go out of his way to get you back.
Show him that you are a high-level woman who does not chase anyone, who suddenly withdraws because you have your own life and are busy with much more exciting things.
You don’t have time to grapple with someone who is not ready to be part of your life and be fully committed to you.
Once he realizes this, he’ll get back to you in no time (assuming he still has feelings for you).
Let him go when he withdraws
What to do when he retires Should you switch to begging mode and do everything in your power to change his mind? Or should you pretend you don’t care?
When he withdraws, there is only one rule to follow:
Don’t freak out right away
First of all, don’t let his sudden retreat throw you off track. I know that doesn’t sound like comfort, but men do it all the time.
Sometimes they don’t know why they are doing it, but they do it anyway. So don’t freak out. Don’t worry about questions like : is he pulling away because he wants to break up with me? How am I supposed to survive another love-out?
I know exactly how great the fear and uncertainty is when the partner suddenly withdraws, but you don’t need any of this.
If he pulls back, just let him go. Don’t freak out and don’t make a big show of it right away. And why? Because you’re still in control of the situation, at least indirectly.
Of course, you have no control over what’s going on in his head, but you can give him certain signals, such as: If you pull back, I won’t chase you because I don’t have the time.
You can achieve a lot by doing nothing. We often forget how powerful indirect messages can be. You practically don’t have to lift a finger to tell him what you think of this whole situation.
You absolutely don’t need to do ANYTHING to achieve the desired effect. Sounds too good (and too simple) to be true, doesn’t it? Well, just try it out and see for yourself.
Try to put yourself in his shoes and understand what exactly is going on with him
Instead of chasing after him right away, think about what exactly is going on in his head.
Look at the whole thing from his perspective and you will find out quite a bit about yourself, him and your relationship (or whatever was going on between the two of you).
If a man suddenly pulls back, it could be for a variety of reasons. So if you want to find out what exactly happened, you need to analyze both your behavior and his or her behavior and take a closer look at your relationship in general.
Could he never really open up to you? Were you too pushy? Is he someone who can never really make up his mind? Is he afraid of commitment?
There are so many questions to ask yourself that will help you analyze and understand his behavior. If the two of you have been together for a long time, it is important to recognize where there is room for improvement so that everything works in the future.
How do you get his interest when he withdraws?
If you want to win him back, you have to remain a woman of class, and that is only possible if you let him go, focus mainly on yourself, and understand that you don’t need a man to be perfect.
When a man distances himself from you, it’s perfectly normal to desperately seek answers to find out why all of this happened and what you did wrong. But if you want him back, you’d better leave that.
DO NOT run after him
Let him go when he withdraws. Chasing after him is the last thing you should do in this situation. Many people made this mistake and found that it only made the situation worse.
Instead of chasing him, you should get HIM to chase YOU.
Yes, my love! I’m telling you something really important now, and that’s why I want you to read on with extra care. When a man withdraws, he always secretly hopes that you will run after him. And why?
Because he wants to feel wanted. He also wants to be in control of the situation and by withdrawing he takes a dominant position while you run after him and thus subordinate yourself to him.
If you don’t run after him, you’re making him understand that he doesn’t have the upper hand. He will then wonder why you are doing nothing to stop him and change his mind.
In a way, he’ll get annoyed that HE has no idea what’s going on in your head.
He ‘ll wonder like, “Why isn’t she stopping me? Did I ever mean anything to her at all? Has she met someone else and has therefore lost interest in me? “
If you just let him go, he’ll ask himself these questions and many more.
If you don’t let him go (read: if you run after him), he won’t ask himself any questions at all, but think something like this: She still wants me, even though I probably don’t deserve to be with her.
And how does a man act when he knows that a woman is still interested in him, no matter what he does?
He does what he wants because he assumes that you will always be after him no matter what he says or does.
He takes you for granted. He can neither appreciate nor respect you. He sees you as a woman who has no claims at all.
And how does a man behave when he thinks that a woman has no claims?
He thinks he can break all the rules and still come back to you when it suits him without worrying about you not taking him back.
Do yourself a favor and don’t run after him.
Do your own thing, my dear, because once you stop chasing him, he’ll be after you.
As soon as you show him what a confident and strong woman you are, he will be more than ready to do everything in his power to be a part of your life again.
Focus on yourself
Often times you will feel tempted to contact him, text him, or ask his friends about him. Do not do that.
• Don’t stalk him on the internet.
• Don’t stalk him in real life.
• Don’t try to get his attention.
• Don `t blame yourself.
Just live your own life. When he withdraws, let him go and focus on yourself.
• Strengthen your self-esteem.
• Put your luck first.
• Know your worth.
• Find new hobbies.
• Find something that will get you thinking about something different.
• Focus on achieving your goals.
Finally realize that you don’t need a man to be happy
I used to think that the only way I could become truly happy in life was by being with someone who genuinely loves me and takes care of me.
I’ve spent so much time (read: wasted) waiting for the right person, for the missing piece of the puzzle, luckily.
Today I can say loudly and with pride: No, you don’t need a man to be happy. You don’t need a man to feel perfect.
You can do this all by yourself. Yes, you can make yourself happy. You can pamper yourself and treat yourself as you deserve. You can even be with yourself!
In fact, before doing anything with someone else, you should be with yourself first. You should fall in love with yourself first before falling in love with someone else.
When you realize that you don’t need a man to find true happiness, you will stop chasing him.
It is perfectly normal for you to miss him and wish him to come back to you and be the same again. But that doesn’t mean that you should do everything in your power to get his attention and “bring him back” to you.
Are you ready for the secret of a happy partnership and relationship? You should never NEED a man, you should WANT him.
Look at it this way: I want to be with you, not because I need you, but because I want to. Your whole life shouldn’t be about one man.
You can also be completely happy on your own. As soon as he realizes this, he will come back to you.
Will he come back after retiring?
Most of the time, when a man pulls out, it’s only a matter of time before he realizes he misses you and comes back to you.
However, he will ONLY come back to you if you don’t run after him, because only then will he realize what a strong, self-confident and desirable woman you are.
When you are in love with someone, it only seems logical to you to seek their closeness. You need it more than the air you breathe, and that’s completely normal.
Just texting him or hearing his voice for a second would mean the world to you. But, you know what? If you do, you will not be able to rekindle his interest in you.
If he pulls back, just let him go and give him some space. This is how you get him back on track (read: motivate him to be after you).
Give your relationship the opportunity to develop and regenerate
Many couples mistakenly assume that being together all the time is good for their relationship. But that’s not true (especially when there are deep-seated problems that still need to be resolved).
Relationships are like the human body. Imagine you’ve been running a marathon for a while and you feel exhausted, but you still keep running. Will you be able to go on like this forever? No of course not.
At some point, you will need to take a break to rest and recover from the grueling race so that you can get back on track. The same goes for relationships.
Sooner or later in life you need a decent break from everything, including relationships. Obviously, one cannot feel physically exhausted from one’s partner (although that is not entirely impossible), but every now and then couples need an “emotional break” from one another.
This helps maintain a healthy partnership and strengthens the relationship. It is very important to give the relationship the opportunity to develop and regenerate, because only when you have recharged your batteries can you give 100 percent again.
In this way, you are letting your relationship take its natural course.
This natural course makes the relationship a breeze. If your partner is pulling back and feeling overwhelmed, it is a sign that your relationship needs a break to restore its natural rhythm.
Give him a chance to miss you
I always like to say that mankind’s greatest bad luck is the fact that we don’t cherish what we have until we lose it. It is in our nature to take everything for granted.
If we don’t remind ourselves to be grateful for the things we have in our life, it’s easy to forget how much they are to us.
It happens every day, every second. Somewhere in the world someone is taking their partner for granted because they have spent too much time with them and the relationship is no longer as exciting as it was at the beginning.
If you want him to miss you and come back to you, you need to give him enough space.
What do you think will happen if you keep texting him, calling him, or stalking him in any other way? I’ll tell you He won’t be able to miss you at all because you are still there.
One of my friends once asked me, “When does a man start missing a woman?” The question didn’t seem too difficult to me, so I just said, “If you give him a reason to miss you.”
Men fall in love with you when you are not around and not when you are always around.
You could do everything in your power to please him around the clock and still wouldn’t make him come back to you or care about you.
Every man needs some time to process his feelings and understand what exactly is going on inside him. When he’s finally alone, he can calmly reflect on his feelings for you and your relationship.
When a man pulls away, just let him go. Only then will he realize how much you mean to him and that he definitely doesn’t want to lose you. That’s why you have to do this!
By giving him the opportunity to miss you, you are showing him what he could lose if he doesn’t care about you.
He may even think that you’ve already met a new man and that you don’t have time to chase after him.
This will motivate him to prove to you that he is better than any other man and that he can make you happy.
“If you want to count, you need to be rare.”
That might sound like a cliché now, but it’s absolutely true. If you ask me, distance plays a much more important role in relationships than you think. And why?
Because you make the person feel even more attracted to you by spacing them out. So will he come back to you if you let him go? Definitely!
He will come back because he will see how strong and confident you are, and because these attractive traits will pique his interest in you.
He will be impressed by your courage and miss your closeness, your voice, your strange habits and everything else about you. The thing is, when a man pulls away, he always expects you to run after him.
If you don’t, he will be confused. This confusion will lead him to question everything, including your feelings for him.
He’ll think something like this:
What happened to this woman I thought she likes / loves me. Why doesn’t she run after me? She doesn’t seem desperate at all. She is a strong and confident woman who does not waste time with people who are not ready to stand by her. Shit, I have to get her back somehow.
When a man is determined to court a woman and win her heart back, there is nothing in the world to stop him.
However, when a man feels crushed, there is nothing in the world to stop him from bending over.
That’s how men tick. If he feels crushed, it is your duty as a woman to let him go and let him know what he had.
take your time
Don’t keep looking at your phone or thinking that if you let him go, he’ll be in touch the same day, tomorrow, or after a few days.
While it is true that some men come back in as little as a day or two, such men are in the minority.
It can take weeks, months, and sometimes even years before a man realizes what he’s lost and makes a decision to get you back.
It will of course not be easy to let go of him. You will keep racking your brain, and at some point you will even toy with the idea of giving up and contacting him.
Please promise me one thing. No matter how difficult it is for you to get through this phase of letting go, promise me that you will do NOTHING. Take your time, find something to do to distract yourself, and just wait (but don’t wait forever).
Some men take a little longer to come to their senses and see what they really want. Others decide within a very short time whether they want to recapture you or not.
If you take your time, he may react faster, so there is no need to rush. In addition, you will finally get an answer to the question of whether he is the right one for you.
Give him some space to find out if he’s the right man for you. When he comes back he’s the one for you. If he doesn’t come back, it’s not him. (Listen to your gut feeling!)
Remember: you have nothing to lose
When he withdraws, let him go and remember that you have nothing to lose.
If this man has left you for good, you can be glad that you didn’t make a big drama about his withdrawal. That saves a lot of time and nerves.
If he just needed some time to think about it all and deal with his feelings, you gave him an important message: If he ever does that again, you are guaranteed not to chase after him.
This will show him how mature and confident you are. You also give your relationship the opportunity to regenerate and restore its natural rhythm, which is the foundation of any healthy relationship.